


Some Nights Are Warm, Some Aren't, But I'm Still Here.

by WeAreVenom99



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cuddles, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Human AU, Imaginary Friends, Kisses, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Steven Universe - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, straight - Freeform, your imaginary friend spinel! AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreVenom99/pseuds/WeAreVenom99
Summary: Some nights, he felt warmth. He felt content being warmed and snuggled up in bed next to Connie, embracing her and playing eskimo kisses with each other while his mind made up some new concoctions and dreams of her being his. The other nights, however… They made him sick to his core. Cold. Alone. Desperate for attention and love and that freezing toughness his friends show to him that make him feel complete. These nights were the opposite. Incomplete. Devoid of warmth, and love, and affection. No, why should he deserve that? After all that she did? After all that he was going to follow?These nights ruined him. But this one was special.
Relationships: Implied Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe - Relationship, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Some Nights Are Warm, Some Aren't, But I'm Still Here.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Your Imaginary Friend Spinel AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/566050) by Avril Sommerfeld. 



Some nights, he felt warmth. He felt content being warmed and snuggled up in bed next to Connie, embracing her and playing eskimo kisses with each other while his mind made up some new concoctions and dreams of her being his. The other nights, however… They made him sick to his core. Cold. Alone. Desperate for attention and love and that freezing toughness his friends show to him that make him feel complete. These nights were the opposite. Incomplete. Devoid of warmth, and love, and affection. No, why should he deserve that? After all that she did? After all that he was going to follow? 

These nights ruined him. But this one was special.

Shivering, he gasped for breath and leaned forward in his barely tolerable bed. Blankets thrown about, pillows chucked on the floor, and a golden glow radiating from his mental lover. Well, if you could even call it love and not narcissism. Steven came close to smiling as he looked to his left, watching an angel of a phantom sleep quietly, making gentle squeaks and short snippets of breath. But, of course, she wasn’t actually sleeping. It was just his mind trying to make up new ways to comfort him. Again, the only thing that came into his mind was complete and utter narcissism. He should love Connie, not this… Reflection.

Abruptly feeling a sharp pain in his chest, he launched himself forward and winced, closing his eyes and allowing something else to come into his eyes. Memories. Of her. Or, at least, what he was told about her. The awful, despicable, hated Rose Quartz. He really wanted to get that “Quartz” out of his name. The thought of her actions disgusted him. Convincing people to vote for highly illegal and addictive drugs to be legalised, trying to appeal to the left and right with her own manipulative personality, and even using her influence to try to become President of the United States of America. Despite the love and adoration Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet give her, to Steven, she really was just a piece of shit . And now, with her dead from childbirth and him here to pick up the pieces, he has only now realised the weight on his already heavy shoulders. Why did he even remember this. Why, every time he looked at the cute doll beside him, was he reminded of her mistakes?

He needed the fallen gift beside him to give him love. His false, yet true lover to kiss him, feel him, touch him- anything that can make him feel better. So he reached over, breath hitching as what SHOULD be Spinel’s tender and warm arms came in contact with his shaking hands. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he felt air briskly kiss his hands before falling away around him. He could see his arm grabbing at hers gently, wrapped around it perfectly. But he never felt anything. No warmth, no tenderness, no flesh. His heart ached as he felt his red eyes water and develop tears. His mind needed her: why couldn’t it just make it up for him?! She wasn’t even waking up, when he needed her most! No, this was out of his hands now. It was all spilling out of him. The rage, the sadness, the times he wanted to scream and the times he wanted to fight-

He couldn’t stand it anymore.

He bent back over to the side of his bed, mind now clear like a blank canvas, but his body like a machine with one clear objective.

Destroy. Unfortunately, it was referring to himself.

His body uniquely stood up, his arms and legs cracking as he hunched over in an inhuman shape. One step, and his dark, pale room began to fall away, his eyes aimed straight on the floor as his breathing slowed and a strange calm flowed over him. Emptiness began to chew away at his innards, not like hunger but instead a new, tilted form of anxiety. It told him that this was alright, what he was about to do was natural and planned. It was fate. It was all just one big wrap up to a horrid life, and an even more horrible person. Now, they could all be free. Isn’t that something? A free family, with no reason for stress. Yes, he wanted that. They needed him gone.

Two steps, and that emptiness inside him caused a gaping hole in his body to open up, knocking the wind out of him as he collapsed onto the floor and looked at his stomach. Guts poured out, an organ slipping out of him as a pool of blood began to escape the huge cut. But in a blink, it was as if nothing had happened. His mind was just playing tricks, making him think that he had actually exploded. Well, it wasn’t wrong. He felt like he was about to suffocate with all this rage stuffed down inside of him. But it didn’t matter in the end, did it? He was finally finishing the job and erasing his traces from the planet’s surface. This is what he- no, THEY deserved. The wondrous happiness they’d have- it nearly got him thinking again.

Three steps, he was already out of the room, his legs spreading near impossible distances. Four steps, his mind broke further, demons swarming him and reminding him of everything his mother accomplished, all the horrid things she had done. The hate. The power. Five, six, seven, eight, guess who he just can’t fucking appreciate? Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, further into his horrible state of mind he knew he’d delve. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen-

He stopped counting. He was in the attic. He was ready to take the shot.

The dark oak obscured his vision, his mindless rage and sickness burning bright as he began to destroy his attic, looking for the saviour to put an end to the beast of misery that had possessed him all these years. The gun was something Pearl entrusted to him, in case any of Rose’s enemies sent someone after him; it was a Colt Model 1851 revolver, with a sleek golden neck and a maroon handle. Comfortable to grip, with a soft trigger that had no problem with firing. That would help a lot, considering everything he was about to do. He wasn’t really proud of it, knowing pieces of misery would be spread out amongst his family. But he could only think of the benefits. Without his sadness, they could do so much more. All he needed to do was to bite the bullet.

After a couple of minutes of thrashing random objects about, the now demon of a boy found the source of happiness. In a dusty, old black box, laid a weapon of mass destruction that would shatter his mind once and for all. The weapon he needed to feel happy, permanently. Didn’t he want that? Didn’t THEY want that? It was too late to go back now. Not when he was this close to his abrupt departure. Just one shot, just one shot, just one fucking shot and finally his chapter will end, burn away in his life’s shitty book.

He gulped nervously, not knowing what would happen when he finally kicked the bucket. Would it be blank? Did heaven exist? Hell? Did it even matter, or was he overthinking this? Yeah, he definitely was. This was simple. Just aim, and fire. Like a really fucked video game.

He took the revolver in his hand, feeling and gripping its handle before looking down the barrel of the weapon straight into the black abyss. It pulled him closer, the urge making him switch its position so the shot would be right against the side of his head. Strange, he expected more of a struggle. Oh well. These were his final seconds, right? Maybe he should say something, for everyone else..

No. His words were horrid enough. So he looked at the top of his attic, staring into the dark wood before closing his eyes tightly. He wrapped his index finger around the trigger of the gun, breathing heavily and relaxing as he felt it tighten. It was time for release, he told himself. Time for change.

He gripped the trigger tightly, a tear dropping from his eye.

And that was the end of Steven Quartz Universe.

.

.

.

That’s what should’ve happened. He should’ve felt numbness, emptiness, and purposeful space. Instead, he felt something else entirely. A feeling that he loved dearly, and needed extremely. It was just like what he used to feel like with Connie. How he constantly felt as just a tiny little child. This… This was..

This was warmth.

He dropped the revolver, his eyes tightening before releasing and opening widely. He was still staring at that ceiling, appreciating the edges and dark aura surrounding it. But then, he saw a bright light enter his vision. He looked down in confusion, wondering if he had perhaps met his maker. Was this god? Was this an angel? Well, at least the second one was correct. But her aura… Was much darker. Makeup running down her eyes in slits, like massive scars, her hair tossed around and thrown backwards like horns, and a black tone around her clothes that he loved to imagine. What was she doing here? What was Spinel doing?

Then, that warmth enveloped around his lips, in the ultimate mind game. He felt her lips. Succulent, sweet lips that drew him in under some lovely, warm spell. Although he could feel how upset she was, she still managed to plant a kiss on his lips, for the first time in the history of… Well, their history! But why now? Of all times, why could he feel her now?! He grabbed her wrist, seeing it shake but still not feeling any pressure against his palm… So, this was the closest he could get? 

It would do. It would definitely do.

He leaned closer into the kiss, sometimes separating before gently inserting himself back into it. Her warmth, her sweet taste- his mind really was a villain. He was obsessed with her love, eyes sometimes opening to see what her face was like. He just saw love. Pure, and utter love. He needed her. He could finally realise that he actually needed her. And oh, how sweet that moment of realisation was. That release, that need, surely this was better than any death he could plan for. But alas, some good things just couldn’t last, and they both split away from each other. The warmth was still there, but this time, Steven just had to let go of his stress. He needed to cry. And so he did.

He sobbed and wailed as tears fell down his face, all his repressed memories and pain all falling out of him at once. Screeches of sadness, sobs of horrors, they were all so much. But she was still there. She hugged him, and he began to cuddle her, crying into her non-existent shoulder as she began to cry too. Why did he have to do this… Why did he have to be such a monster?! This corruption needed to go, he realised that. Or else, he’d be here again. Needing her love, her kiss, her warmth. He just couldn’t feel that on his own anymore. A few more tears dripped down his pale face, before he rubbed away the marks and left his body with red eyes and a swollen heart. He looked into his love’s eyes, falling deeper into her warmth the longer he stared.

“Steven, no matter what happens, I’ll always love you. Please, please don’t do this to me again…” She cried out, feeling his face with her hand, before being extremely surprised at his face closing in on hers. A smile was planted on his face as he pecked her gently.  
“I won’t. I love you too..” He responded with a raspy voice, vocal chords in pain after the cry he and Spinel shared. He finally knew what it meant to love. To have true and utter satisfaction. No matter what happened, she’d be there, no matter how depressed he was, she’d understand. No matter how fake she was, she would help him through hell.

And to him, that was all. To him, that was perfection.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a one shot, since I'm bad at continuing other series' (just look at my other fics, lol) but this one is special. I really liked this one. So, I'm considering continuing it, and adding more ships in the future. See you all soon ;0


End file.
